Yesterday, Sophie Newton and I sat down together in the WBP studio and recorded an audio commentary on what was our inaugural joyride of 2014, Trekkies Into Darkness. In it, we reminisce about the events in the film, and of the times before and after it.
I take us through some of the production and post-production processes, as Sophie elaborates on what was going through her head, when the foundations of her fandom were shaken on that fateful May and June of 2013.
A modern Wes and Sophie, before recording ensued on March 29th
At the end of Trekkies Into Darkness, a blossoming Sophie quipped, “We’ll watch this back and psychoanalyze it.” A year later, Sophie and I do a bit of that. As if you couldn’t get enough of Sophie in Trekkies Into Darkness, the commentary is a double dosage of her, and the individuality that is wholly her own.
Recording the audio commentary has been something I’ve looked forward to. After having recorded it, did it live up to my anticipation? After sixty-three minutes had passed, and an audio commentary had been recorded, I was not satisfied.
I knew I would not be satisfied, when we began. My disappointment and blame, was strictly placed on myself: I was not in the moment in the way I desired to be. I stuttered, and thought I was dry and monotonous, only touching on some of the things I wanted to heartily explore.
I felt meek, and was bound by a lack of confidence, in recording. I felt meek and lacked confidence because I knew I could not fulfill the place I wanted to be at. Why couldn’t I achieve where I wanted to be, who I am, and simply meet that? I’ll give answer…
After I hit the spacebar, closing our commentary, my natural reflection was one of self-judgment. I sat in my chair, staring off into my laptop. I was horrified, in silent agony over myself.
In the presence of my friend, I had no choice but to face her. I muttered my discouraged disappointment to her. In her energy and optimism, she cheerfully suggested that we could rerecord it, sometime.
You may have guessed that the Trekkies Into Darkness audio commentary that is unveiled, here, is such a rerecording. It is not. As I wrote in Welcoming March, “When claiming the future, one cannot dwell in the past.”
It’s an enormously complex labyrinth, in determining whether exterior influence justifies pitying ourselves, or whether self-judgment and self-blame is justified.
For many years, I have fought against the effects digestive and environmental sensitivities have given me. Most profoundly, mold. I have good reason to believe, that due to recent exposures, my mental strength and capacities have been limited, for the past two days. It is a cycle of life I am very accustomed to, and now more than ever, in this new era of my life, am mindful of.
Is this commentary what I feel it could’ve been, on my behalf? No. But I’m not allowing my personal imperfections to take away from it.
Whether feeling strong and capable of expressing myself to the fullest, or enduring the muddle and burdens of imperfection, I shared a time of mutual friendship with my dear friend, Sophie. That is a treasure that doesn’t depend on the perfection of a final product.
Enjoy the commentary, and let’s sweep aside my personal imperfections. There’s some fun stuff in there, and we hope you enjoy being with us. 🙂
In closing, I have completed the short film, Who Will Survive—the film that was shot a year ago, this month, in a beautified Arizona. It will joyously be released, tomorrow. See you then, friends.
Upwards and onwards,